the battle

If you ever had to lose weight you know it's not easy. Well I feel officially defeated! This is nuts. I feel like crap, every day I feel my heart racing and then slow up. What is that about? So guess what, i guess today has to be the first day of the rest of my life AGAIN!

I weighed myself this morning and it's 253.5. I became that person, the person I stare at and say, "when the scale hit 200 wasn't that a sign?" or "when the scale hit 225 wasn't that a sign?" or even better "when the scale hit 250 wasn't that a sign?" I guess it's all relative. Looking and being judgmental is easy.

So here i sit at 7:16am knowing i have 39 days left until I go on a family beach vacation. If nothing else I here promise to: post every day and write something - how my day was, my mood, what I ate, I'll post the receipt with my critique, I'll be honest and confess if I exercised and how much. OK here goes nothing AGAIN!

The first step - admitting I have a problem

So I woke up today thinking what I have been feeling and thinking for some time now... wow I hate the way I look, feel and worst of all LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE BECOME. I don't recognize myself when I see my own reflection. I just can't ignore it any more. I don't fit into anything I own and I refuse to purchase a bigger size. I have 2 friends that have gotten the Lap band and I am the "fat" friend that is getting their old clothes. How in the world did I let myself get to this point. All this off the heals of turning 38 - 3 days ago.

So a little background - a bit about me. Like I said before I'm 38, full time working woman, wife for over 11 years and mother to the most wonderful and beautiful 5 year old you will ever meet. To add to my busy schedule, I am 1/2 way through my Masters program and lead my daughter's Daisy troop. I am BUSY, BUSY, BUSY and full of excuses of why I have never put myself on my own priority list. I have a sister that is 10 years older than I am but look younger... by the way she's a personal trainer (not that I take advantage of that). I have been fat most of my life. But never fatter than I am today.

MY STATS:
Body Type: Standard
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Height: 5ft 3 in
Weight: 250.5 lbs
BMI: 44.4
Fat%: 52.2%
Fat Mass: 131 lbs

How do I know this, because I took "The First Step" - I admitted I have a problem and I went to a doctor today and I am seeking help.

Tomorrow I officially begin my Journey, The Weight is over. I will be on a 500 all protein diet for the first week. I am committing my self to taking the supplements, eating only what I was told to and exercising. Damn this is going to be hard. What have I gotten myself into. I am keeping this blog to keep me going. basically I am dieting out loud. Wish me luck...until tomorrow.

This is me and my daughter in September 2009. Approximately the same weight that I am today.